Is it absurd? Is it a pain? No, it’s SuperJeff!

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Is it absurd? Is it a pain? No, it’s SuperJeff!

We all know that Radebe has superpowers. We’ve seen first hand that he is bulletproof. But how did he fix the petrol price?

Columnist


Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it a Hail Mary election ploy? No! It’s Jeff Radebe!
Last week the good citizens of this country huddled by their wirelesses and took in the grim news: the super-villain, Petro-Penury, had escaped yet again and was on the rampage, blowing up the petrol price. Citizens were urged to remain indoors: under no circumstances should they attempt to confront Petro-Penury or do rash things like trying to drive to work or drawing up a budget.
As the week began, they pressed their ears to their doors and heard the unmistakable sound of the onrushing petrol price increase. They closed their eyes, braced for impact, and then …
Whoosh! Thock! Bish! Kerpow!
There he stood, his cape fluttering, his steely eyes afire: Jeff, vanquisher of taxes, disappearer of shortfalls!
“Is it really gone?” sobbed a taxi driver, hiding under his HiAce.
Jeff knelt down and gently helped him to his feet. “Yes, friend,” he murmured. “That nasty ol’ petrol price isn’t going to hurt any of you good folks again. This month.”
We all know that Jeff has superpowers. We’ve seen first hand that he is bulletproof, at least politically. And while some of his fellow superheroes have proved vulnerable to chunks of Zuptanite, sweating, collapsing and appearing before commissions of inquiry, Jeff has brushed off his long association with the Planet Zupta.
But nullifying a petrol price increase so dramatically – effectively grabbing a stealth tax and socking it on the jaw – is one of his greatest feats ever.
So where, exactly, has Jeff sent Petro-Penury?
Some suggest he banished the villainous price increase to the nightmare realm called ANC Economics, where up is down and one plus one equals ham. Others are claiming he hit Petro-Penury so hard that he flew all the way into the faraway land of Let’s Talk About It After The Elections.
For my part, I suspect Jeff was aiming to imprison Petro-Penury somewhere quite dramatic, like the nebula of Just Do Anything Because We’ve Dropped The Bar So Low That Anything Looks Like A Lot.
The trouble, however, is that while Jeff might be able to leap tall buildings at a single bound, he doesn’t seem to understand that you can’t fill a tax hole by making a bigger tax hole.
I’m afraid all Jeff has done is march Petro-Penury into a cardboard lockup, Populist Election Ploys That Will Unravel Spectacularly When The Shitty Rand Forces A Much Bigger Petrol Hike Next Month.
Still, next month is next month, and that’s a long time in politics. More than enough, in fact, for Jeff to plan his next move. Perhaps free money dropped from helicopters? A new super-strong currency, the Mega-Jeff? An official government ban on sad feelings?
Who knows? Stay tuned for next month’s thrilling episode of … Jeff!

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