Oh, the agony: My boyfriend, Sir Koolio the Magnificent
Our weekly bit of lighthearted advice
My boyfriend insists that I call him Sir Koolio the Magnificent. I’m not keen.
YOLISA MKELEWe all have adorably ridiculous pet names for each other. From Baby Shoes to Sugar Muscles, the world is replete with entirely unsexy nicknames we give our significant others when we’re trying to put them off sex.
If he really insists on Sir Koolio the whatever, oblige him, making sure he understands that by doing so he is ensuring his data bundle runs out long before the month is over.
NINA HASTIEAt least he hasn’t named his “pet snake” Khaleesi. In the Game of Thrones of our lives we must respect the monarch and, like our parliament, observe protocol, honourable member.
Just go with it — have a naming ceremony, invite his boss, the mates he plays indoor soccer league with, and his cousins from the Vaal nobody likes. Then make him get on one knee and dub him Sir Koolio the Magnificent, Protector of the Braai and Guardian of the Cooler Box.
Then make him perform a ceremony involving a recitation of Steve Hofmeyr lyrics or a reading from the gospel according to Gayton McKenzie.
Have caps and T-shirts made that read: “My boyfriend makes me call him Sir Koolio the Magnificent” and wear them at weekends when you guys go shopping together. Milk it. Good luck.
Hastie is a comedian and Mkele is a journalist. Consult a professional therapist if your problem persists.