Oh the agony: My boss told me that she loves me


Oh the agony: My boss told me that she loves me

A tongue-in-cheek (and everywhere else) advice column

Yolisa Mkele and Nina Hastie

My boss recently told me that she loves me. I really don’t know how to handle this.
YOLISA MKELEThis could be the greatest news you have ever heard. Ride that gravy train as far as it will take you, then jump ship as soon as you’ve replaced her as the boss. Whoever it was who said people should keep their noses to the grindstone and climb the corporate ladder to success through diligence obviously had a much harder nose than anyone in history. Go forth and prosper, my child.
NINA HASTIEIt’s tricky when someone in your work environment “catches feelings”. Stay away from this mad woman before she starts making Christmas cards with a “portmanteau” of your names, like Brangelina. If her name is Agatha or Mildred, it will make for an awkward one. Though if her name is Millicent, and your name is Tabitha, you guys could go around calling yourselves “Militia”. Imagine getting a memo from HR saying: “Join Militia today as they share their vows in a non-heteronormative, neoliberal, egalitarian manner. RSVP to A Mandla by 4pm.”
•Hastie is a comedian and Mkele is a journalist. Consult a professional therapist if your problem persists.

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