Oh, the agony: Is it OK to have sex on the first date?


Oh, the agony: Is it OK to have sex on the first date?

Tongue-in-cheek advice for your most profound problems

Yolisa Mkele & Nina Hastie

Is it okay to have sex on the first date?
YOLISA MKELENot only is it okay, it is your duty as a Gloria Steinem-fearing feminist. For too long men have oppressed the female love receptacle with terms like slut and harlot. Sex on the first date is liberating, if not always rewarding.
There is a caveat: if you are having sex on the first date to try and keep someone interested, then, unless you have a large enough bag of tricks to satisfy a porn star, you are setting yourself up for failure. The only person who’ll make a long-term commitment after first-date sex either has chlamydia or may be auditioning you for a role in Back Door Patrol 9.
Either way, it’s not a route many women are comfortable with. Decide beforehand what you want from the provider of the phallic enjoyment.
NINA HASTIESure it is, if you’re looking for a guy who is never actually going to call you.
He’ll WhatsApp you, but only after 11pm on a Thursday, because that’s the day his real-life girlfriend has her weekly social sports practice, and Thursdays he claims as his boys’ night.
You were actually the third or fourth woman he tried to get hold of, and he figured you’d put out on the first night, and your moral leniency would have been duly noted.
It’s also okay to have sex on the first night before you have done any research into his array of self-proclaimed feats that probably helped him seal the deal in the first place. He might not actually be Elon Musk’s second cousin, or have a holiday home in Knysna that he’d love you to visit.
When he doesn’t contact you for three weeks and you’ve been invited to your boss’s annual house braai, and he turns out to be his creepy nephew, you can greet him with shame and self-loathing.
It’s definitely okay to have sex on the first night if he comes back to your place because that way you may have invited a potential murderer, thief or general creep to your sanctum sanctorum. Perform coitus with the stranger and this way your body releases an array of hormones, such as oxytocin, which trick you into thinking you are in love with this madman, and six months later, when you are living in a basement, handcuffed to a railing suffering from a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome, pat yourself on the back because this was all you baby — you had sex on the first night.
Hastie is a comedian. Mkele is a journalist. Consult a professional therapist if your problem persists.

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