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Oh, the agony: My son is pinching from my purse


Oh, the agony: My son is pinching from my purse

Tongue-in-cheek advice for your most profound problems

Yolisa Mkele and Nina Hastie

I suspect my son is taking money out of my purse. What should I do about his behaviour?
YOLISA MKELEThere are certain countries where thievery is remedied with an axe to the wrist. The police may take exception if you do that in South Africa, but, as the Cold War taught us, sometimes all you need is a sufficient deterrent and some propaganda.
If you are worried about the toll a bloodied wrist may take on the carpeting, you could threaten to give him a hard hat and ship him off to TB Joshua’s Temple Mosque of Synagogues in Churches of the Universe for “healing”.
Should neither of these foolproof methods extract the truth from him,  it may be time to put him up for adoption. Chances are Brad and Angelina will pay top dollar to add to their collection.
NINA HASTIEThis is a tricky one because you’re not certain and you don’t want to blame him without proof. You have a few options.
You can replace all the money with Monopoly money and see if he still wants to buy houses on Bond Street.
Or replace all your rands with Zimbabwe dollars and see if he manages to buy the new Cassper Nyovest album with those.
Or leave notes with motivational quotes about money by Steve Martin: ‘‘I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline-powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.”
• Hastie is a comedian and Mkele is a journalist. Consult a professional therapist if your problem persists.

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