OH, THE AGONY: Should I shack up or not?


Self help

OH, THE AGONY: Should I shack up or not?

Our new weekly advice column

Yolisa Mkele and Nina Hastie

I’m thinking of shacking up? Do you think I should?
YOLISA MKELEAah, the allure of not having to drive across town to get regular doses of good loving is a powerful motivation for many lovers to get residentially hitched.
If you want to keep getting good loving, always remember that your bowel movements must be like a ninja — unseen and unheard. Should you ever become comfortable enough to bomb the “white house” in the presence of your lover, then get a pair of open-toed Crocs, a minivan and enough Xanax to overdose because your life will have lost all meaning.
NINA HASTIEDon’t. Rather keep two houses, preferably in different cities.
The best way to maintain a healthy relationship is by not being in one — then you can have your own life, cook your own food, see your friends and family and manage a decent career.
If you move in together, that all goes down the drain. Next thing you know, you’ll slip on a banana peel and get pregnant. Then you’re up to your eyeballs in school fees and indemnity forms for river rafting trips to Namibia that your child shouldn’t be going on — especially not with that creepy Geography teacher with the wonky eye.
The fact that you are asking this question means you’re stalling. If you wanted to do it, you would have done it already. Trust your gut.
•Hastie is a comedian and Mkele is a journalist. Consult a professional therapist if your problem persists.

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