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Cyril, please cut the 40 inches of bull and pretend to be a ...


Cyril, please cut the 40 inches of bull and pretend to be a president

Dear leader, in a country tormented by hustlers, could you put your side hustle to one side for a bit?


Some people, if they found themselves embroiled in a scandal involving an allegedly illegal stash of cash at one of their game farms, might do everything they could to make said game farm disappear from public view. But President Cyril Ramaphosa is clearly not most people, as the staff at Phala Phala in Limpopo get ready for an injection of fresh cash into the lounge suites up at the main house.

According to the Facebook page of the Ankole Cattle Breeders’ Society of South Africa, Saturday June 18 will see “the 2nd National Ankole Auction at Phala Phala, Limpopo”, offering buyers such highlights as two breeding bulls, mature cows with 40-inch horns, embryos and “semen straws from top bulls”.

Being a townie who has lost contact with the soil, I had to look up what an Ankole was and discovered it is a breed of cattle that has absurdly oversized horns. I imagine these make the animals entirely unable to survive in the wild, but that’s not a problem, since their sole purpose is to stand around before being sold to the highest bidder and then stand around some more. In other words, they’re a perfect metaphor for the ANC, which is perhaps why Ramaphosa is so fond of them...

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