ANC defies laws of time and space, but luckily facts don’t atrophy
Jacob Zuma and the health ministry managed to buy time this week, but so did journalists
In the centre of Pietermaritzburg there stands a miracle of physics and philosophy: Schrödinger’s Podium, an object that raises the praise singers of Jacob Zuma high above the street and yet simultaneously allows them to prostrate themselves as low as any self-respecting South African can grovel.
The courtiers trotting up and down its steps, however, don’t seem to understand its phenomenal qualities. Instead, they are using those reality-bending boards simply as a makeshift stage on which to perform their wretched little morality play: “Msholozi (Long May He Cause The Rains To Come) Is The Victim Of A Plot”.
To be fair, they’re not wrong. It’s pretty obvious that Zuma is the victim of a plot in which the Guptas met him, weighed him up in about seven seconds and proceeded to make him dance like a giggling little marionette. I know a great many South Africans see Zuma as a kind of Bond villain, but if he were really an evil mastermind, he and his family would be posting weekly Instagram clips of them giving us the finger from their Dubai penthouse suite, not schlepping into drab little Pietermaritzburg to be buoyed up by modest rent-a-crowds bused in from whichever ANC branch accepted the lowest quote...