Who’ll be more shocked when Cyril appears before Zondo – him or us?
How, exactly, does Ramaphosa know so little about state capture?
In a dramatic turn of events, deputy chief justice Raymond Zondo has announced that President Cyril Ramaphosa will be appearing at the Zondo commission in April to finally provide an answer to the question that has haunted us for years: how many times in a single minute can a human being say “I don’t recall”?
According to Zondo, Ramaphosa will appear on April 22, 23, 28 and 29, with the week between appearances apparently scheduled as a buffer to allow him to recover from the inevitable shocks he will experience when the commission shows him evidence of ANC corruption, the existence of internal combustion engines and the orbit of Earth around the sun.
In a major setback, however, Zondo explained on Wednesday that Ramaphosa would “have to testify as president of the country and former deputy president”, meaning Ramaphosa now has less than a month to gather the affidavits, date-stamped selfies and napkins signed by Ace Magashule he needs to prove that he is, in fact, the president of SA...