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Get thee behind us, Bandile Masuku, but fear not, thou shalt ...


Get thee behind us, Bandile Masuku, but fear not, thou shalt return

He’s has been summoned by the ANC’s Integrity Commission, but we doubt that any hellfire awaits him


Sink to your knees, brothers and sisters, and let us pray for the immortal soul of Gauteng health MEC Dr Bandile Masuku. For lo! He hath been summoned before the ANC’s Integrity Commission, that holy inquisition which striketh terror into the hearts of the wicked, or at least mild apprehension. OK, definitely some annoyance that they’re going to miss their 3pm tee time. And soon his torment shall begin.

And yeah, when it commenceth, at some date to be decided according to the mystics at Luthuli House, the lamentations of his legal team shall rise to the heavens, insisting that there was nothing dodgy about his department giving a multi-million-rand PPE tender to his buddy. For is it not written in the ANC’s holiest scriptures that if thou scratchest mine own back then I shalt scratch thine? Oh, it’s not? Damn. Er, commissioner, we request a short recess, for truly, that wast our main legal argument.

And then, the lawyers having been driven from the chamber like dust before the righteous storm as it breaks upon the desert, the Grand Inquisition shalt take one last bite of chocolate eclair and wipe the cream from their mouths, and speak as one, proclaiming that the Trial of Righteousness shall now commence...

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