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We’ll get to January, one cling-wrapped Texan at a time


We’ll get to January, one cling-wrapped Texan at a time

Between our Ouija-board lockdown strategy and surging body count, there is some good news ... possibly


At best, the news has been confusing. At worst, downright gloomy.

On Wednesday, it was both. During the morning, the government’s Twitter account blithely announced that the ban on alcohol and cigarettes would continue until the end of lockdown, before recanting some hours later and insisting that prohibition was only being enforced under Level 3 lockdown.

As if that explained anything. Since the state has stopped listening to scientists, we have to assume that the “end of lockdown” will be decided by the Collective, sitting around the Ouija board which now dictates policy, as Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma asks the Great Spirit of Broken Government to give her a sign...

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