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Waiters are has-beans when they get a double shot of humbuggery



Waiters are has-beans when they get a double shot of humbuggery

A column to satisfy your inner grammar nerd

Deputy features editor: Sunday Times

You can’t walk into a coffee shop and ask for a cup of filter anymore. Coffee has gone the way of smoking sections in restaurants. It has become as hard to find as a supporter of FW de Klerk. Rarer than hen’s teeth, even. My grandmother claimed to have had a hen that was born with teeth and bit the dog, so perhaps they are not unknown. Plain old filter coffee exists too, of course, but only in disguised form. If it doesn’t have a foreign-sounding name, like pseudoccino, it won’t be on the menu.

Finding a coffee shop is just as difficult. They’re all roasteries and beaneries and seed-to-cupperies and huggermuggeries. Skulduggery, if you ask me. Have you noticed how charcuteries, patisseries and fromageries charge more than butcheries, bakeries and cheese shops do for the same meat, bread and gouda? Maybe it’s to pay the signwriter for the extra letters.

Don’t even get me started on the gigantic inhumane scam that is kopi luwak – battery-farmed civets crushed into cages; coffee berries in one end and astronomically priced beans out the other. Humbuggery...

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