On Her Majesty’s Secret Cervix? No, a female Bond is an unfunny bore
007's overt sexism is meant to amuse, and going around spouting Bond-isms is not endangering society
It’s (semi) official: 007 is a woman. A black woman. According to a Sunday report ending the years of conjecture prompted by Daniel Craig’s announcement that he was standing down as James Bond, British star Lashana Lynch will be handed Bond’s licence to kill in the 25th movie, to be released in April 2020.
In what has pre-emptively been called “a popcorn-dropping moment”, the film is said to begin with spymaster M saying: “‘Come in, 007’, and in walks Lashana, who is black, beautiful and a woman”.
And although Ian Fleming purists can breathe easy – it turns out she’s not the new Bond, but an operative who takes over the spy’s secret agent number after he leaves MI6 – we’re assured the script has been washed clean of mucky misogynistic dialogue, with the phrase “Bond girls” banned, and poor “new man” Bond now a stooped, obsequious-faced, handbagged figure who has swapped the tux for a “This Is What a Feminist Looks Like” T-shirt, and the microchipped cufflinks for a set of LGBT rainbow bracelets...