Talk about a revolution: this is how much bull Mabuza needs to get by
His load-shedding views were a lie, but what a shit-show his take on the Fourth Industrial Revolution was
We all did it at school: groping our way through an oral on an Afrikaans novel we hadn’t read. Some of us were quite good, holding up our unopened copy of a morbid rural melodrama called something like Die Lang Verdrietige Dors Van Wimpie Die Wesie, explaining that it was a “baie goeie boek” and “die windpomp is ‘n simbool van die liefde” and “die tema van die dood maak dit universeel”.
We did it because the stakes were so low: wing it for five minutes every few months, talking about how the book has a beginning, a middle and an end, and you’ll leave school and start earning money and you’ll never have to read another book ever again.
It worked for work-shy 15-year-olds, and this week it worked for a work-shy deputy president.
This week, David Mabuza stood up (thanks to the miracle of Russian medicine) in front of parliament (thanks to the miracle of sheltered employment) and told the country that load-shedding is proof that SA’s economy is growing.
Right-wing Twitter threw its copy of 12 Rules For Life across the room and declared that Mabuza was “stupid”. Sure. That’s why he gets paid R275,000 a month for smiling and waving while they’re banging out think-pieces on their blogs for free.
Of course, Mabuza wasn’t being stupid. He was just lying. We have regular blackouts because the ANC and its accomplices have neglected half of Eskom and looted the rest.
That lie, however, sounded like high-end economics and statesmanship compared with the Grade 7 shit-show that followed when the DA’s Belinda Bozzoli asked Mabuza to explain the Fourth Industrial Revolution.
“Well,” said Mabuza, all but holding up a pristine copy of Oom Dawie Kry ‘n Robot!, “a revolution in any given period is defined as the way we do things in that period. Now, the revolution here, if we are talking about a skills revolution, if we are talking about IT, if we are talking about technology, the essence here is that the way we do things, the way we produce, in our economy, is going to change, influenced by factors, factors that emanate from technology in the way we produce.”
En, um, ook, juffrou, die tema van die dood maak dit universeel.
Just bullshit for a few minutes a year, do enough to stay in the cabinet, stay in touch with Moscow, and you’ll leave this kindergarten and start earning real money; and when you do, you’ll never have to say another goddamned word about the Fourth Industrial Revolution for as long as Russian doctors keep you alive.