Donning the dunce hat: Orange you glad Trump isn’t ours?

Ideas

Donning the dunce hat: Orange you glad Trump isn’t ours?

Yeah, so he opened his mouth about us. Of course it’s got nothing to do with the legal maelstrom he’s in ...

Columnist

In case you haven’t read Donald Trump’s tweet about South African farm murders and land expropriation, here it is: “Youuu are getting sleeepyyyy … Your eyes are getting heeeaaavy. I did nooot just become an unindicted co-conspirator in a criminal matter … Michael Cooohen and Robert Mueeeller dooo nooot exiiiist …”
Naturally, it was upsetting to see our embattled little country singled out by the Liar In Chief, but as a nation we really need to start learning how to take things from whence they come. Because, of course, Trump’s tweet had nothing to do with us and everything to do with the legal shitstorm barrelling towards him.
As for why he picked on us, drawing SA’s name out of the folder labelled “Hail Mary Tweets”, that’s pretty obvious: SA is the only country other than the US in which a sizeable proportion of white people feel they are being oppressed. By pretending to support white South African farmers, Trump was begging white American farmers to ignore his pathological dishonesty and immense corruption as the mid-terms draw closer.To be fair to the lying sack of Fanta, however, he didn’t suck that tweet out of his tiny thumb. The story was fed to him by his national security adviser (what you and I refer to as Fox News) which had in turn been fed it by our very own AfriForum.
Not surprisingly, AfriForum’s Kallie Kriel was thrilled that his paranoid evangelism had found such a powerful new believer. Tweeting his satisfaction, Kriel said that AfriForum “welcomes the fact that the US government is now officially studying South Africa’s #expropriation plans & #FarmMurders”.
I’m happy that Kallie is happy, but his tweet isn’t technically true. Trump’s government isn’t “officially studying” anything because it doesn’t study anything at all, officially or unofficially, ever. All it does is blow very hard into its little white dog whistle and sees how many people nursing a white victim complex come running, and then proclaims that to be truth.
Still, there is an upside to the latest libel slung at us by the wretched orange man.For starters, it has forced President Cyril Ramaphosa to publicly clarify the ANC’s position on expropriation, and, at the time of writing, the news was that the state would start with its own land. Of course this will no doubt change the minute Julius Malema sneezes, but for now there is a hint of stability.
Trump’s tweet was also a useful reminder of how seriously to take AfriForum. I know that AfriForum claims some support from farmers, presumably because its press statements make such fantastic fertilizer. But with the best will in the world, when your most public supporters are Fox News and the most corrupt US president in living memory, you’re not really winning at life.
But most of all, it’s been yet another compelling act in the morbidly fascinating spectacle of an American idiot imploding on a global stage. Get angry if you must, but try to enjoy it while you can.

This article is reserved for Times Select subscribers.
A subscription gives you full digital access to all Times Select content.

Times Select

Already subscribed? Simply sign in below.

Questions or problems?
Email helpdesk@timeslive.co.za or call 0860 52 52 00.